So what's this XmaX thing all about?

XmaX is yet another December Holiday, it is the Discordian version of Christmas and as some will argue, the original holiday and source for all later ones.

Traditionally celebrated on December 23, but a TRUE Discordian can have it on any other day. It is a day of peaceful, loving celebration with family and friends, commemorating the abortion of the Daughter of Goddess — our Unborn–Undead Lady–Lord and Savior, Baby J.Z.

The Story of XmaX

All summer long and well into autumn, our Goddess Eris hung with her two BFFs, Astarte and Babalon, partying hard the Original Whore of Babylon style...

As winter came along and the Acid and Ketamine started to wear off, somewhere around December 23rd, she noticed she was with child — again... "Hey kid" she said to it, "how's it going in there?". "OK, I guess..." said the godly fetus, who just became conscious of it's own existence. "So what's it gonna be, son of a thousand gods and demons? What's the plan? I can abort you here and now, as I did with all the previous ones. Or if you'd like, I can give birth to you. But know I ain't gonna be much of a mother to you. You know, with my life style as the goddess of Discord and all...". "No worries mom", replied the bastard divinity in her tummy. "I had no plans to be born into this hideous multiverse. But I also definitely do not want die here and get proper burial, like those crazy cowboys suggest". After a short moment it added "I know what! I won't do either — Forever on I shall be known as the Unborn–Undead Jesus, or J.Z for short." (it just liked the sound and didn't know much about the origin). "I will roam the earth, finding all these who try to prevent any creature from doing its own Will and lovingly convince them to discard their sinful ways. If that wouldn't work, I'll just blow the shit out of them!". With these words she climbed out her godly mother's pussy and aborted herself into being. And thus our Lady-Lord and Savior the Unborn–Undead Jesus, or J.Z, for short — came to be.

Since that day onwards, every year on December 23 — we mark and celebrate the Abortion of God in a Holiday we call XmaX!

Behind the name XmaX

According to the old and secret wisdom, the two exes are superimposed one on top of the other, with the second tilted 45 degrees in relation to the first. The remaining "ma" is what aborted and buried cowboys call their mothers.

XmaX Greetings

The traditional and most common holiday greeting is: "Erris XmaX!"

Unholy Night — XmaX Eve Traditions:

  1. The oldest recorded XmaX tradition included the sacrificial slaughter of all kinds of livestock as well as horses. All the blood from them was called Hlaut and was to be smeared all over the pedestals of the idols and also the walls of the temple within and without and sprinkled upon the worshipers. This was done to emulate the abortion blood covering our J.Z.
  2. It is traditional to celebrate XmaX Eve with a huge feast, together with all friends and relatives, living, dead, undead and unborn. Or as some put it "Los Antepasados y Todos Los Amigos".
  3. Father XmaX is a sneaky god-like being, dressed in red and white camouflage and a fake beard. He screams "Hoe, Hoe, Hoe!" and leaves small gifts before promptly running away. He symbolizes of course the unknown deity who knocked up our beloved goddess. (see below for further explanations about the red and white colors)
  4. A long living tradition is that of the XmaX Tree. A freshly cut evergreen is taken inside the house, reminiscent of the sex magic rituals conducted "on the high mountains and on the hills and under every green tree" (mountains and hills are hard to get indoors). In days before birth control, those rituals where often times followed by quite a few abortion candidates. Some place small wrapped presents under the tree, to symbolize these surprising little bundles of choy.
  5. Other than the XmaX Tree, several other green plants are used in XmaX decoration. These are mainly Holly, Ivy and Laurel. The prickly Holly leaves are said to represent the prick that got inside our Lady and impregnated her. Ivy has to cling to something to support itself as it grows, as did our Lady–Lord and Savior Unborn–Undead Jesus until Goddess sobered up and noticed it. Laurel is a symbol of the Victory our Unborn–Undead God promises anyone determined to do their Will at all costs.
  6. A few branches of the Mistletoe plant are also traditionally hung inside the house. People standing under the Mistletoe are to kiss passionately, to remind us of the uncontrollable sex drive that sometimes lead to unwanted pregnancies.
  7. In some countries, mainly in Africa and the Near East, a special candle holder called Kinara or Menora that holds 8 candles is used. These represent the Eight Colors of Chaos Magic, the Noble Eightfold Path, the 8 ball of pool and in general a number smaller than 9, suggesting an uncompleted pregnancy.
  8. Poinsettia flowers are often used as XmaX decoration. The red flowers and white sap (latex) are said to represent the sexual act, the abortion blood and fetus, as well as the latex condom that could have prevented the whole thing.

Erris XmaX everyone!